I want to tell you how to start healing from trauma,  around pregnancy and birth.  Before I do that, I want to start with saying that ‘it wasn’t your fault! Nothing that happened was your fault’. I’ll go into more detail as to  why it wasn’t your fault in another blog post, but for now, if you can, allow yourself to trust me on this.

The first thing to understand is that, the effects of trauma also known as PTSD, are trapped in our nervous system. Our nervous system behaves as though the threat is still present and real. The nervous system is not part of our logical brain; our prefrontal cortex. Therefore, even though you logically know that you are safe i.e. you are no longer at the location where the trauma happened - rather you are at home in your safe space, your nervous system isn’t able to recognise that. Your nervous system reacts as though the threat is right here right now.  Queue the anxiety, panic attacks, hyper reactivity and so forth.

It’s a reaction that works well when you live somewhere that needs you to be on high alert, for example - if you are bitten by a lion, your nervous system learns to be hyper aware of lions. It’s right to do so! It absolutely has a purpose. But if the lion was in the zoo when you were attacked, and you aren’t going to the zoo again, the nervous system doesn’t know that you don’t need to be on high alert for lions all of the time.  It keeps on tracking and reacting and reminding you that you aren’t safe, by giving you flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive thoughts.

In reality, when we have experienced something that has left us fearing for our life or the life of a loved one, we don’t need those trauma reminders all the time. We need our logic to take over so we can assess if we are really safe or in danger. 

If you’re asking, “how do I stop my nervous system from reacting?” I’m about to break it down for you…

The first, the biggest and the most important thing to do in learning  how to start healing from trauma, is to teach your nervous system that you are safe. 

“How do I do that” I hear you ask…well, that starts with you and if possible the people you surround yourself with. For your nervous system to be calm, it needs to be flooded with safety.  

“Aaand what does that look like?” I know, I know… I hear you. You need to be kind to yourself.  It’s going to take thought, effort, persistence and it means challenging yourself. 

But first off, have you come across Maslow Hierarchy of Needs? If the two foundation stages of these needs aren’t in place, it is going to be harder to feel safe, so if possible, as soon as possible, get these set up first.  And continue to work on the rest. I know that’s sometimes easier said than done, for many reasons, so if you can’t do it alone, ask yourself if it’s time to seek help. 

With those foundation stages in place, you can then start to work on the things below if they aren't already in place. Being calm and safe means really listening to yourself. 

• If you are feeling overwhelmed, slow down. Don’t fight it. 
• If you are exhausted and if you are lucky enough to have them, use your people to support you to rest. 
• Doing yoga or/and meditation to connect with your body and breathing.
• Take moments to breathe and body scan through the day. (Check out my insta for ways to do this https://www.instagram.com/melsspacecounselling/ )
• Get into nature, notice what’s around you, how the air on your skin feels, the sound of the trees, insects and animals.
• Kick off your shoes and feel the ground beneath your feet.
• Journal, morning or night.
• Put on makeup if it feels nice or don't put on makeup if it feels nice.
• Take time for a bath/a cup of tea.
• Meet up with friends in the daytime and share the tough times and the good times.  Don’t meet anyone if it feels too much.
• If your friends aren’t around, prenatally or postnatally, look for community groups to connect with.
  • Perhaps there is a PANDAS group near you https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/support-groups/
  • Or see what your local children's centre offers in terms of prenatal support.

• Hold your boundaries - Space/time/doing for others
• If you have them, bring your partner and family on board in supporting you. Using language like, “I need your support, so that I can feel better. It would really help me if….” 
• Recognise that if you are home with a baby all day, that is your full time job. If you have a partner and they arrive home from their full time job, you should be splitting the chores from that point. It is not your job to do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning because you are home. If you are lucky enough to get some bits done, that’s great, but there shouldn’t be an expectation. If your partner walks through the door to chaos, then they should just pitch in. Sometimes this needs a conversation, if prior to having a baby it was assumed that you would take on the household load. The playing field is no longer the same. Now is the time to look together at where the load sits. This conversation should help to prevent any resentment building before either of you feels taken for granted. If you have a new little human, it is exhausting and tough. You need to remember that you are a team and you need to work together to get through the next few years. 
• Acknowledge that the breakdown of family community, because of the need for everyone to be at work, means that most parents are doing it alone, and it was never meant to be that way. You aren’t failing - you are being failed. 

While the journey to healing may feel impossible right now, by following the above tips, you can make a huge difference.  Here’s your reminder of the steps for how to start healing from trauma:

1.  Check that the bottom two stages of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs are in place first.  If not, this is where you need to start your journey of healing. 
2. Start to incorporate the points in the list above in your conscious thinking, so that you can begin to really protect the safety of your nervous system. 

Doing these two things can make a huge difference to how you feel, and for many this is enough for your nervous system to stop responding in a heightened way to traumatic triggers. For some people they will need the support of a professional and if you feel that’s you, you can reach out to me by emailing talk@melspace.com or through my website Contact Mel.