Frequently Asked Questions
Your questions about birth trauma counselling, EMDR therapy, and how I can help
Can't find what you're looking for? Get in touch
Birth Trauma FAQs
A traumatic birth is any birth experience that leaves you feeling distressed, frightened, or overwhelmed - regardless of what happened medically. Birth trauma is defined by how you experienced it, not by whether others think it was traumatic.
You might experience birth trauma from:
- Emergency C-section or interventions
- Feeling unheard or disrespected
- Loss of control or dignity
- Inadequate pain relief
- Fear for your or your baby's life
- Rushed or insensitive care
- Separation from your baby
- "Normal" births that felt overwhelming
- Negative experience on the postnatal ward
Important: You don't need to have had a dramatic or complicated birth to experience trauma. If it affected you deeply, it was traumatic.
Yes. If you have strong feelings about it, you deserve support.
There's no minimum threshold for trauma. You don't have to prove your experience was "bad enough." If you're experiencing symptoms that affect your daily life - flashbacks, anxiety, difficulty bonding, fear of future pregnancies, avoiding triggers such as driving past the hospital - then counselling can help.
Common thoughts like "others had it worse" or "at least my baby is healthy" don't invalidate your trauma. Both things can be true: your baby can be healthy AND you can be traumatised.
It's never too late. Birth trauma doesn't have an expiry date.
I work with people:
- Just a few weeks after birth
- Months or even years later
- When triggered by anniversaries
- When planning another pregnancy
- When symptoms resurface after being suppressed
- When their own grown child is pregnant
Trauma can surface at any time. Whenever you're ready to seek help is the right time.
Absolutely. Partners who witness a traumatic birth can develop PTSD and trauma symptoms too.
Partners might experience:
- Flashbacks of seeing you in distress
- Upset at what your baby experienced
- Guilt about not being able to help
- Hypervigilance about safety
- Fear about future pregnancies
- Difficulty with intimacy
- Nightmares or intrusive thoughts
I offer individual counselling for the person that birthed, the partner or the adult child that was born from a traumatic birth. Sadly, I can’t see more than one person from a family group but I can help you find another suitably qualified professional if more than you need support.
This is more common than you might think. Birth trauma is about your subjective experience, not the medical facts.
You can have a straightforward delivery medically but still feel:
- Out of control
- Violated
- Unheard
- Overwhelmed
- Frightened
- Traumatised
The medicalisation of birth, even "normal" births, can be traumatic. Feeling exposed, losing autonomy, being in pain, or experiencing the intensity of childbirth can all be traumatic - regardless of whether "everything went fine."
Yes, birth trauma can affect bonding. This is common and not your fault.
- Trauma can make it hard to:
- Feel connected to your baby
- Enjoy time with your baby
- Feel like a "good parent"
- Be present emotionally
The good news: With trauma therapy, these bonding difficulties usually improve. As you process the trauma, your capacity to connect with your baby often increases.
Counselling FAQs
This is a really common fear - and an understandable worry. But in a safe trauma informed therapeutic environment, we carefully manage that, moving slowly and progressively while processing what happened. The beauty of using EMDR is that you don’t need to dig deep into the trauma as you would do with general counselling and traditional talking therapies.
Here's why:
- Trauma gets "stuck" when it's avoided
- Processing it in a safe space helps your brain file it in the long term memory rather that feeling the threat in the here and now
- We use techniques (like EMDR) that reduce the emotional intensity
- We work at YOUR pace - although I’m always watching to see if we need to slow things down a bit or take a pause the rebalance
Many clients worry about this initially, but find that therapy actually reduces the power trauma has over them.
Counselling is talking therapy where we explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences together. I listen, support, and help you make sense of what you're going through.
EMDR is a specific type of therapy for trauma that uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements) to help your brain process traumatic memories. It's done within counselling sessions.
Many people benefit from both - counselling to explore and understand, EMDR to process specific traumatic memories.
This varies for everyone. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.
Rough guidelines:
- Some people find a small number of sessions is enough
- Others require for 3-6 months
- Some benefit from longer-term support
We'll review regularly and you can continue for as long as it is helpful. You can also stop at any time.
Counselling isn't about giving advice.
My role is to:
- Listen without judgement
- Help you make sense of what happened
- Support you in making your own decisions
- Provide psychoeducation where helpful
- (psychoeducation: Helping to understand why your mind/body/nervous system is behaving or responding in a certain way, and the impact that may be having on you day to day.)
- Help you find your healthy coping strategies and way forward
You're the expert on your life. I'm here to support you, rather than tell you what to do.
Crying is completely okay. It's a normal part of processing difficult emotions.
I have tissues ready, and I'll sit with you through whatever emotions come up. There's no pressure to hold back - this is a safe space to let your feelings out.
Many people worry about crying in therapy, but often find it cathartic and incredibly healing.
EMDR FAQs
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy for trauma and PTSD, recommended by NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) and used by the NHS.
How it works:
- You briefly focus on a traumatic memory
- While following bilateral stimulation (usually eye movements)
- This helps your brain process the memory differently
- The memory becomes less distressing over time
- It's structured, evidence-based, and proven to work for birth trauma.
Yes - EMDR has strong research evidence, particularly for PTSD and trauma.
Studies show EMDR can:
- Significantly reduce PTSD symptoms
- Work faster than traditional talk therapy for trauma
- Be effective for birth trauma specifically
- Have lasting effects
It's recommended by:
- NICE (National Institute for Health and Care Excellence)
- WHO (World Health Organization)
- American Psychological Association
That said, everyone is different. Most people benefit significantly, but individual results vary.
EMDR feels different for everyone, but here's what's common:
During bilateral stimulation:
- Following eye movements (or taps/sounds)
- Can feel a bit strange at first
- can feel emotional
- Others feel quite calm
- Physical sensations might arise
After sessions:
- Often feel tired (processing is hard work)
- You may continue processing outside of sessions
- Might notice dreams or memories surfacing
- Gradual reduction in distress
- Feeling lighter over time
You remain fully aware and in control throughout.
Yes! EMDR works effectively online.
Instead of following my hand with your eyes, in my sessions you'll tap your collar bone or knees. Some therapists use a moving dot on the screen or audio tones. The principle is the same, and research shows it's just as effective as in-person EMDR.
Yes, EMDR is generally safe during pregnancy and can be very beneficial if you're processing previous birth trauma or preparing for birth after trauma.
We'll work carefully, and I'll adapt the approach to ensure you feel safe and comfortable throughout.
EMDR and hypnotherapy are different approaches, though both can help with trauma:
EMDR:
- Specifically designed for trauma/PTSD
- Uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements)
- NICE-recommended
- Evidence-based for trauma
- You remain fully alert
- Processes specific memories
Hypnotherapy:
- Uses relaxation and trance states
- Good for anxiety, phobias, stress
- Broader applications
- You remain in control but deeply relaxed
- Works with unconscious mind
I offer both and may suggest that we use both at various times.
Mels Approach FAQs
I'm not just a counsellor who treats trauma - I'm someone who has been in the birth room many times as a doula.
This means:
- I understand what happens in birth (and what goes wrong)
- I know the maternity system from the inside
- I believe you when you say it was traumatic
- I understand the medical terminology and procedures
- I recognize systemic failures, not personal failures
I combine:
- NCPS-accredited counselling
- Evidence-based EMDR therapy
- Trauma-informed practice
- Real understanding of birth and the maternity system
- Hypnotherapy when helpful
As a birth doula, I witnessed too many families coming away from birth feeling traumatised. I saw how the system - though often well-intentioned - could fail parents. I saw the gap between what parents needed and what they received.
I trained as a counsellor specifically so that I could offer the comprehensive psychological support that traumatised parents deserve. Now I work both to help people heal from trauma AND to prevent it through birth preparation.
No. While birth trauma is a specialty, I also work with:
- General trauma and PTSD
- Anxiety and depression
- Relationship difficulties
- Life transitions
- Perinatal mental health (beyond birth trauma)
- Stress and burnout
- And much more
My training and experience allow me to support you with various challenges.
Trauma-informed practice means I understand how trauma affects people and shape my approach accordingly:
- Creating safety and predictability
- Respecting your autonomy and choices
- Working at your pace
- Checking the language I use is right for you
- Providing choices and never instructing or dictating
- Understanding that behavior makes sense in context
- Recognizing trauma's impact on all areas of life
- Avoiding re-traumatisation
- Building on your strengths
- All my work - even with non-trauma issues - is trauma-informed
Booking FAQs
I have a private therapy room in Hitchin, North Hertfordshire - easily accessible from:
- Letchworth
- Baldock
- Stevenage
- Hertfordshire
- Bedfordshire
The exact address is provided when you book.
I also offer online sessions via googlemeets for clients across the UK.
Yes! I offer online counselling and EMDR therapy via secure googlemeets.
Online therapy is ideal if you:
- Live outside the local area
- Find it hard to leave the house
- Don't have childcare
- Prefer the convenience of home
- Have mobility issues
Online therapy is just as effective as in-person, and EMDR works well online too.
Yes, new babies (upto 3 months) are welcome at in-person sessions.
I understand that:
- Childcare you trust in early weeks can be hard to find
- You might be breastfeeding
- Being separated from your baby might feel difficult
If this is worrying you, book in for a free 20min consultation to have a chat.
I offer flexible appointment times, including:
- Daytime appointments
- Evening appointments
- Weekend sessions
Contact me to discuss what works for your schedule. I understand that life with young children requires flexibility.
I ask for 48 hours' notice for cancellations where possible.
I understand that life happens - especially with young children. If you need to cancel with less notice, please let me know as soon as you can.
Late cancellations (less than 24 hours) or no-shows may be charged.
You can stop at any time - there's no contract or commitment.
I ask that you come to one final session to close therapy properly if possible, but if you need to stop urgently, that's okay.
Therapy is for you, on your terms.
Yes. Confidentiality is fundamental to therapy.
I will not share information about you without your consent, except in very rare circumstances:
- Risk of serious harm to yourself or others
- Safeguarding concerns for children or vulnerable adults
- Court order
- Legal requirements (terrorism, money laundering)
I would always discuss any disclosures with you first.d
Your records are stored securely in line with GDPR and data protection laws:
Basic Email communication password protected
Paper notes: Locked filing cabinet
Access: Only by me
Retention: In line with NCPS guidelines (typically 7 years)
Still Have Questions?
If your question isn't answered here, please get in touch: Email Me OR Book Free Consultation
Or read more about: